The closing circle of privacy

[CitricScion]

Over the past couple of days I've really been feeling how digital privacy is being slowly lost. I try to do what I can to preserve my privacy in a reasonable way, based on my threat model, but it sometimes I feel the sacrifice. And it comes up even in small things.

For example, I tried moving most of my text communications to Signal. That didn't go very far. So then I tried getting everyone to use WhatsApp since there was a high likelihood most of my contacts use that. WhatsApp has worked out where I can actually get a response from folks. So far so good, right?

Well, I know that most of these folks would prefer to use iMessage. I use Android so the experience isn't the same, but at least it would stay in the main app they use. They don't like to use WhatsApp, sometimes to the point of texting me rather than messaging via WhatsApp (this is not across the board, just in some circumstances). Then sometimes I will try holding conversations over WhatsApp but they're somewhat limited.

In the back of my mind I have the sneaking suspicion that if I just texted people that I would not be having these problems. In effect there is friction in maintaining a relationship with me just because I'm using another app. That's sad for me because all I'm trying to do is use something that's a little more private.

But it gets worse than that. Recently I tried going back to Instagram to share some specific stories. I started following a bunch of folks who I know in real life or knew at one point. There they all are. I joined the party! I could keep up with what they're doing, they're proactively messaging me, I can see their stories and they can see mine. And so can Meta. I found the place where everyone chooses to live and share their lives, and it's on a platform that takes advantage of them for simply wanting to connect with others.

To be clear, Meta is at fault here. It is Meta that is taking advantage of their users by spying on them and manipulating their emotions with algorithms. However, emotionally, as a dude who just wants to connect with his friends, it's frustrating to see them having a party where the entry fee is my privacy - a party that many times could literally be happening on Signal based on the ways many of them use Instagram! It's frustrating to have basic pathways to connection be locked behind exploitative gates while the people who are inside could leave at any time. It makes me feel like I have to choose between connection and privacy.

I don't see this problem going away. I'm trying to find solutions. Lots of folks are feeling lonely nowadays, and I'm a little upset to feel like I am exacerbating my own problem just because I don't want a company or the government to be able to listen to my every conversation.

[Mæstro]

For example, I tried moving most of my text communications to Signal. That didn't go very far. So then I tried getting everyone to use WhatsApp since there was a high likelihood most of my contacts use that. WhatsApp has worked out where I can actually get a response from folks.

This is curious to me. Why had they refused to move to Signal, and why had they accepted WhatsApp?

In the back of my mind I have the sneaking suspicion that if I just texted people that I would not be having these problems. In effect there is friction in maintaining a relationship with me just because I'm using another app.

I prefer to speak of necessary or sufficient conditions for events than causes. (My formal background in pure mathematics is showing here.) Your wish to avoid needless surveillance does not suffice on its own to introduce friction. It is also necessary that they do not switch for there to be any, and there are further conditions which (they believe) suffice for them to refuse to switch.

That's sad for me because all I'm trying to do is use something that's a little more private… It's frustrating to have basic pathways to connection be locked behind exploitative gates while the people who are inside could leave at any time.

As my own commentary on escaping Discord shows, I know how it is, even if my case is far milder than yours. (As an aside, I hope to update this community on my progress in about a week.)

I'm a little upset to feel like I am exacerbating my own problem just because I don't want a company or the government to be able to listen to my every conversation.

To be clear, you are not making your own problems worse by seeking that others respect your human rights. Rather, you are trying to mend a grave problem you already suffer. You are acting neither in malice nor negligence towards yourself or others. How, then, can you be blamed?