What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
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CitricScion
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What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
I've been thinking about this as a topic because it tends to come up a lot online. From some I have heard the idea that there isn't really a epidemic going on, male or otherwise, and I think I'm amenable to that view. However I have heard from others online or in person that they do think many people feel lonely nowadays, themselves included. I haven't landed on any firm theories, observations, or solutions, but I figured I'd beg the question to see what more people think.
Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
I can only speak for myself, but I used to feel very lonely in my 20s because there wasn't any reason for me to go out. Covid happened around the same time as my uni graduation so there weren't any job prospects for me... I hate drinking or doing any "normie" hobbies, so I was stuck in my house with only the internet for social interactions.
This all changed when someone I knew opened a new geek club full of video games, computers, board games etc. It proved to be a great way for me to go out and socialise with people and I even met my now girlfriend, with whom I'm in a very happy relationship!
If my experiences are anything to go by, I think it's to do with people of non-mainstream tastes not having anything to do outside of home or work. They lack a 3rd place to socialise with people.
Could also be that people, like past me, desperately wanted a relationship and feel nothing less than that will cure their loneliness, but it was when I accepted the idea of never meeting anyone that I made some great friends, and funnily enough actually found a relationship to be in. Even without that relationship I'd have still felt fulfilled.
This all changed when someone I knew opened a new geek club full of video games, computers, board games etc. It proved to be a great way for me to go out and socialise with people and I even met my now girlfriend, with whom I'm in a very happy relationship!
If my experiences are anything to go by, I think it's to do with people of non-mainstream tastes not having anything to do outside of home or work. They lack a 3rd place to socialise with people.
Could also be that people, like past me, desperately wanted a relationship and feel nothing less than that will cure their loneliness, but it was when I accepted the idea of never meeting anyone that I made some great friends, and funnily enough actually found a relationship to be in. Even without that relationship I'd have still felt fulfilled.
Last edited by Cobra! on Sun Jul 13, 2025 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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CitricScion
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Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
That's a really good point about folks with certain interests not having an in-person space to share those interests. It makes me think about how much easier a time I have connecting with people in a forum, Discord server, or Minecraft server than I can IRL. Nerds don't have the convenience of a sports bar or something like that to meet. Not to mention the fact that we're more likely to be introverted.
How did the club you attended start? How did it grow over time? Is it still going?
How did the club you attended start? How did it grow over time? Is it still going?
Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
I just saw a meetup on meetup.com that it was opening and I knew the person opening it, so started attending. I enjoyed it so got a paid membership, and met a girl, and we ended up like liking each-other.CitricScion wrote: Sun Jul 13, 2025 5:15 pm How did the club you attended start? How did it grow over time? Is it still going?
It's still going. I, my gf, and a bunch of friends go to visit twice a week. Playing games, watching films and just chatting.
Last edited by Cobra! on Sun Jul 13, 2025 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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SapphireFire
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Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
I believe the loneliness epidemic is very real. Socializing is a muscle, and with Covid-19 and the loss of third spaces that muscle, for a lot of people, has atrophied. Understandably so too. Even if you're fortunate enough to have some sort of third space close to you that doesn't cost a fortune to frequently go to, the thought of getting back out there and exercising that muscle again can feel daunting. There is much less effort, resistance, and/or conflict, involved in simply tapping onto social media and scrolling endlessly through short form content.
And I think we see the effects of this in people beyond just the feelings of loneliness. It feels like people have have become meaner, more impatient, and more self centered. Whether this is a result of the current political climate, just the place I live, or some other factor, it seems that we all to some extent just forgot how to interact with each other.
Fortunately though this is a very solvable problem. Like any other muscle, socialization can be built back up with regular exercise. Using social media less, talking to your neighbors, starting a new hobby, chatting with strangers, and showing others kindness are all good ways to start to feel less isolated.
I believe the loneliness epidemic is very real, but I also believe that our muscles are slowly healing.
And I think we see the effects of this in people beyond just the feelings of loneliness. It feels like people have have become meaner, more impatient, and more self centered. Whether this is a result of the current political climate, just the place I live, or some other factor, it seems that we all to some extent just forgot how to interact with each other.
Fortunately though this is a very solvable problem. Like any other muscle, socialization can be built back up with regular exercise. Using social media less, talking to your neighbors, starting a new hobby, chatting with strangers, and showing others kindness are all good ways to start to feel less isolated.
I believe the loneliness epidemic is very real, but I also believe that our muscles are slowly healing.
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CitricScion
- Posts: 89
- Joined: Wed Oct 16, 2024 5:37 pm
Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
@SapphireFire what a great summary of what's going on. While I think folks have been feeling like this for a while and I do think COVID exasperated things, I think it has a lot more to do with the existence of the internet and our naive understanding how to balance that with real life connection. Couple that with the algorithmic spaces that have intentionally sought to monopolize our every waking moment and you get something that's very hard to compete against when you don't know what you should be doing.
You say that our socializing muscle has atrophied and I agree. I would go a step further and say that we have forgotten how to contribute and be part of community since 2000. There have been more reasons to be closed off and we didn't realize that we were forgetting how important community is. But I also agree, or at least hope, that people are beginning to realize this. My hope is that we are beginning to realize that we need to actively rebuild communities in person, as well as continuing to mature online communities.
@Cobra! thanks for the MeetUp suggestion. Just found a Linux User Group that meets in my area apparently!
You say that our socializing muscle has atrophied and I agree. I would go a step further and say that we have forgotten how to contribute and be part of community since 2000. There have been more reasons to be closed off and we didn't realize that we were forgetting how important community is. But I also agree, or at least hope, that people are beginning to realize this. My hope is that we are beginning to realize that we need to actively rebuild communities in person, as well as continuing to mature online communities.
@Cobra! thanks for the MeetUp suggestion. Just found a Linux User Group that meets in my area apparently!
Re: What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?
I believe it's a combination of economic reasons, internet addiction, and- as @SapphireFire mentioned- the lack of exercising your socialization muscle. The main one being economic imo.
Money problems is the #1 reason my friends and I give for not being able to attend social meets. We live in a relatively poor urban sprawl with non-existent public transport, so if you can't afford a car + gas, you can't meet up with people unless you carpool. Free 3rd places like libraries haven't completely disappeared. They just aren't attractive venues as, say, a coffee shop (plus, you have to keep at a low volume at a library). Coffee shops, bowling alleys, movies, etc require you to spend some amount of money. Several people will skip a meetup if they have to pay for parking. A great majority of the social outings I attend are hosted at someone's house or business, so it's relying on those people to have stable incomes. Some free meets rely on sponsorship or a college hosting it, but recently social budgets have been scaled back. Another economic thing holding my friends back is the fact that they need 2nd jobs, have night shifts, or are spending their free time building a side hustle. I also was a lonely child at home growing up because my parents were working 2 jobs, or going back to school in order to get a better paying job, and constantly working overtime. I'm not even sure how people are able to date when they're struggling financially either. I've personally bounced back and forth between being poor to having disposable income, and whenever I'm unemployed, I severely dial back on outings because 1) I feel like I need to devote all of my time to finding a job 2) I'm embarrassed at the thought of someone covering a cost for me, so I avoid putting anyone in that situation. (*EDIT: Added to mention that some hobbies also cost lol. I personally gravitate to low-cost hobbies like drawing and reading from my library) It sucks that socializing on the internet is close to free + instant, so people gravitate to that over getting dressed, driving over, and hanging out. Hopping on a discord call pales in comparison to talking in person. Every time I log out for the night, I immediately feel lonely again. When I leave an in-person. meet, I feel satisfied.
As for internet addiction, it's a real pet peeve of mine when people DO show up to an in-person meet only to spend their time glued to their phone. I'm not a big social media person (and Reject Convenience's vids prompted me to uninstall Discord + Telegram on my phone), so I don't feel the urge to scroll a feed or check messages while I'm out. One meetup group I really liked attending was trivia night. You're banned from being on your phone cause they don't want people looking up answers. I wish we didn't need these rules to force people to be in the moment though.
I don't know if this is true for you guys, but I feel like it's mainly Millennials and older people who are participating in in-person meetups. My theory is that they are the last generation to experience a childhood without the internet so they have that socialization muscle built + are most likely to be financially stable. I'm early Gen Z myself. Since leaving high school, I've mainly hung out with people a decade older than me. When I do encounter another Gen Z person, they usually have a phone addiction or they are my coworkers who reject my invites to attend an event together due to social anxiety + money issues. I was severely introverted as a kid, but grew out of it by forcing myself to attend meetups. I have made several meetups myself. It's still the older crowd that attend. I feel like I missed the bus to make life-long friends my age in college because the first 2 years, I was at community college and no one attended my club + there weren't campus dorms so it was just less conductive for socializing in general. My last 2 years, I was at a university when Covid lock-downs happened.
One thing that always helped my loneliness was volunteering, but it's a hard-sell to ask others to devote time to that is they have financial problems, family, health problems, etc to prioritize.
Money problems is the #1 reason my friends and I give for not being able to attend social meets. We live in a relatively poor urban sprawl with non-existent public transport, so if you can't afford a car + gas, you can't meet up with people unless you carpool. Free 3rd places like libraries haven't completely disappeared. They just aren't attractive venues as, say, a coffee shop (plus, you have to keep at a low volume at a library). Coffee shops, bowling alleys, movies, etc require you to spend some amount of money. Several people will skip a meetup if they have to pay for parking. A great majority of the social outings I attend are hosted at someone's house or business, so it's relying on those people to have stable incomes. Some free meets rely on sponsorship or a college hosting it, but recently social budgets have been scaled back. Another economic thing holding my friends back is the fact that they need 2nd jobs, have night shifts, or are spending their free time building a side hustle. I also was a lonely child at home growing up because my parents were working 2 jobs, or going back to school in order to get a better paying job, and constantly working overtime. I'm not even sure how people are able to date when they're struggling financially either. I've personally bounced back and forth between being poor to having disposable income, and whenever I'm unemployed, I severely dial back on outings because 1) I feel like I need to devote all of my time to finding a job 2) I'm embarrassed at the thought of someone covering a cost for me, so I avoid putting anyone in that situation. (*EDIT: Added to mention that some hobbies also cost lol. I personally gravitate to low-cost hobbies like drawing and reading from my library) It sucks that socializing on the internet is close to free + instant, so people gravitate to that over getting dressed, driving over, and hanging out. Hopping on a discord call pales in comparison to talking in person. Every time I log out for the night, I immediately feel lonely again. When I leave an in-person. meet, I feel satisfied.
As for internet addiction, it's a real pet peeve of mine when people DO show up to an in-person meet only to spend their time glued to their phone. I'm not a big social media person (and Reject Convenience's vids prompted me to uninstall Discord + Telegram on my phone), so I don't feel the urge to scroll a feed or check messages while I'm out. One meetup group I really liked attending was trivia night. You're banned from being on your phone cause they don't want people looking up answers. I wish we didn't need these rules to force people to be in the moment though.
I don't know if this is true for you guys, but I feel like it's mainly Millennials and older people who are participating in in-person meetups. My theory is that they are the last generation to experience a childhood without the internet so they have that socialization muscle built + are most likely to be financially stable. I'm early Gen Z myself. Since leaving high school, I've mainly hung out with people a decade older than me. When I do encounter another Gen Z person, they usually have a phone addiction or they are my coworkers who reject my invites to attend an event together due to social anxiety + money issues. I was severely introverted as a kid, but grew out of it by forcing myself to attend meetups. I have made several meetups myself. It's still the older crowd that attend. I feel like I missed the bus to make life-long friends my age in college because the first 2 years, I was at community college and no one attended my club + there weren't campus dorms so it was just less conductive for socializing in general. My last 2 years, I was at a university when Covid lock-downs happened.
One thing that always helped my loneliness was volunteering, but it's a hard-sell to ask others to devote time to that is they have financial problems, family, health problems, etc to prioritize.