What do you think about the loneliness epidemic?

[CitricScion]

I've been thinking about this as a topic because it tends to come up a lot online. From some I have heard the idea that there isn't really a epidemic going on, male or otherwise, and I think I'm amenable to that view. However I have heard from others online or in person that they do think many people feel lonely nowadays, themselves included. I haven't landed on any firm theories, observations, or solutions, but I figured I'd beg the question to see what more people think.

[Cobra!]

I can only speak for myself, but I used to feel very lonely in my 20s because there wasn't any reason for me to go out. Covid happened around the same time as my uni graduation so there weren't any job prospects for me... I hate drinking or doing any "normie" hobbies, so I was stuck in my house with only the internet for social interactions.

This all changed when someone I knew opened a new geek club full of video games, computers, board games etc. It proved to be a great way for me to go out and socialise with people and I even met my now girlfriend, with whom I'm in a very happy relationship!

If my experiences are anything to go by, I think it's to do with people of non-mainstream tastes not having anything to do outside of home or work. They lack a 3rd place to socialise with people.

Could also be that people, like past me, desperately wanted a relationship and feel nothing less than that will cure their loneliness, but it was when I accepted the idea of never meeting anyone that I made some great friends, and funnily enough actually found a relationship to be in. Even without that relationship I'd have still felt fulfilled.

[CitricScion]

That's a really good point about folks with certain interests not having an in-person space to share those interests. It makes me think about how much easier a time I have connecting with people in a forum, Discord server, or Minecraft server than I can IRL. Nerds don't have the convenience of a sports bar or something like that to meet. Not to mention the fact that we're more likely to be introverted.

How did the club you attended start? How did it grow over time? Is it still going?

[Cobra!]

How did the club you attended start? How did it grow over time? Is it still going?

I just saw a meetup on meetup.com that it was opening and I knew the person opening it, so started attending. I enjoyed it so got a paid membership, and met a girl, and we ended up like liking each-other.

It's still going. I, my gf, and a bunch of friends go to visit twice a week. Playing games, watching films and just chatting.

[SapphireFire]

I believe the loneliness epidemic is very real. Socializing is a muscle, and with Covid-19 and the loss of third spaces that muscle, for a lot of people, has atrophied. Understandably so too. Even if you're fortunate enough to have some sort of third space close to you that doesn't cost a fortune to frequently go to, the thought of getting back out there and exercising that muscle again can feel daunting. There is much less effort, resistance, and/or conflict, involved in simply tapping onto social media and scrolling endlessly through short form content.

And I think we see the effects of this in people beyond just the feelings of loneliness. It feels like people have have become meaner, more impatient, and more self centered. Whether this is a result of the current political climate, just the place I live, or some other factor, it seems that we all to some extent just forgot how to interact with each other.

Fortunately though this is a very solvable problem. Like any other muscle, socialization can be built back up with regular exercise. Using social media less, talking to your neighbors, starting a new hobby, chatting with strangers, and showing others kindness are all good ways to start to feel less isolated.

I believe the loneliness epidemic is very real, but I also believe that our muscles are slowly healing.

[CitricScion]

@SapphireFire what a great summary of what's going on. While I think folks have been feeling like this for a while and I do think COVID exasperated things, I think it has a lot more to do with the existence of the internet and our naive understanding how to balance that with real life connection. Couple that with the algorithmic spaces that have intentionally sought to monopolize our every waking moment and you get something that's very hard to compete against when you don't know what you should be doing.

You say that our socializing muscle has atrophied and I agree. I would go a step further and say that we have forgotten how to contribute and be part of community since 2000. There have been more reasons to be closed off and we didn't realize that we were forgetting how important community is. But I also agree, or at least hope, that people are beginning to realize this. My hope is that we are beginning to realize that we need to actively rebuild communities in person, as well as continuing to mature online communities.

@Cobra! thanks for the MeetUp suggestion. Just found a Linux User Group that meets in my area apparently!